I'm sitting here doing homework and sadly realized how much joy I feel because the assignment I'm typing is all in different fonts and with little to no proper punctuation and I don't even care. It doesn't matter because I don't have to turn the page in, I just have to read it on some online sharing tool. But the fact that not having to worry about proper formatting gave me such joy reminded me of a post I wrote two years ago about my need to revolt against structure.
Additionally, the fact that it was written when we were enduring a Cicada infestation and the fact that we are apparently in one again right now (though I've yet to hear those annoying little things) just confirmed for me that I should repost this. Enjoy:
Nothing In Particular
I feel like I should post something now, but my head is so clogged with grad school final paper stuff that my brain is mush. And I’m so tired of having to write in an “organized fashion” (insert air quotes ala Chris Farley here) and "actually be interesting" and have a flow in a paper that “makes sense,” that I think I’m going to rebel and just have this post be:
Dana’s Random Stream Of Consciousness!
See below, in no particular order. Or rather, in any order of my choosing. Take THAT logical thought processes!
The sign in the ladies restroom at work says: “This Commode is not designed to accept paper towels.”
Ok - who calls it a "commode"?
And - designed to “Accept”? I’m not giving the “Commode” a tip. Or a compliment... (I’m also not giving it paper towels because THERE IS TOILET PAPER. Who would use a paper towel instead?! Ouch.)
I wanted to take a photo on my phone but realized then I’d be the creepo taking photos inside a bathroom stall.
Maybe tomorrow though.
Did I mention we had an EARTH. QUAKE. In D.C. That ain’t normal. Can I list some of the 47.5 Not Normal things I’ve encountered since living here?
-the D.C. Sniper
-the worst winter D.C. has ever seen
-the highest temperatures D.C. has ever seen
-the worst earthquake D.C. has ever had.
-a PLAGUE of LOCUSTS! No joke. Well, maybe not a plague, but once every like 17 years we get an infestation of Cicadas. They are very similar to locusts and attach themselves to EVERYTHING (like the back of my skirt in Target. Ahem. I only knew this after a child screamed about it to her mother...) and they sound like crickets BUT WITHOUT A BREAK IN NOISE. They were here for like two weeks. I'm sure people went deaf.
And now we have a hurricane supposedly coming this weekend. I seriously can't keep up anymore.
I recently met a man who gave me his business card. It was all black and on the back it just said:
Ed.I’m now considering doing something similar but putting better instructions. Like:
Dana.I’m still working on it...
Buy her gifts.
My coworker and I are awaiting badges for my new project site so we are left at the mercy of others to escort us for everything from letting us upstairs in the morning to letting us use the restroom (where the toilets won’t accept paper towels, no matter how nicely you offer). Today, when she and I came back after having the AUDICITY to get lunch, we couldn’t get anyone to escort us. We finally saw a random guy we recognized, but didn’t know by name, about to get in the elevator. To which we BOTH simultanesouly began yelling “OOOH! OOOH!” like kids trying not to be last picked for dodge ball. Pathetic. When we filed in sheepishly behind him, the guy asked what days we came in during the week...so he could work from home those days.
I’m really considering using this “numbering” system in my every day life. Just to keep folks on their toes.
I'll sign off now and prepare for the impending hurricane. I can't keep up with all the protection measures we need around here anymore so I fear my brain will do something similar this weekend that my friend Steve's did when he accidentally caught his sleeve on fire at a party and tried to remember the mantra "Stop, Drop, and Roll".
He could only remember "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle"
Wish me luck, Internet....
(And as a bonus to the post above, here's an update regarding me and hurricanes. We had another one last year, in 2012, Sandy - you may have heard of her. Thankfully my area was completely fine, but leading up to it, I was preparing for the worst. Well, sort of preparing. Below is my Facebook post right before she hit:
This is where the flashlights are supposed to be. This is what every shelf within 100 miles of DC looks like right now. I raced two guys from a CVS to a RadioShack and still had to settle for a Star Wars light saber. I wish I was kidding...
Yep. Stiiiill haven't gotten that whole preparedness thing down after alllll the disasters I've been through. Go figure.
And with that, I'll end my Stream of Consciousness, and....my consciousness in general. Good night, Internet! ZZZzzzzz.........